I got legitimately super angry at someone for once. My mind was not in a good place at that time and this person pushed me to the edge, but the aftermath was inevitably going to happen. Reflecting on it, communication is key because without it you can only infer from assumptions made through ill-informed judgment. I tried to communicate, but who knows what is going on in the other person's mind. I figure insecurity given the amount of assurances that one must make. Too much insecurity is toxic as it leads to rapid-fire emotion driven thoughts and actions. Everyone has their own experiences in life and we all judge each other for essentially fitness. Toxic communication can stem from things like information withholding/omission, lying and silence. Actually, these can be considered a form of abuse if used too much. Lashing out at abuse is what I tend to do, so I think the way I handled it was inevitable. I'm not proud of it and it is not something I planned or desired to do, but I am definitely glad to be able to focus on other things. I've already apologized twice about my lashing out verbally, but whether the other person desires to accept is not my problem. I am not responsible for how another feels and in changing them. People change themselves in response to experience.
The other person did not start out toxic, but flirty. Who knew this would devolve into toxicity once reality of this person dawns on you. I know some people like attention and I was willing to give as I thought this would be fun. I don't start my days being toxic or angry and don't end them that way either. This isn't to say I don't get angry at people for stoopid/small stuff. It is apart of life. I don't appreciate my words being interpreted in a way that I did not intend and for those grudges to be held constantly and used to direct conversation in an unnatural way. I don't appreciate my questions being interpreted as being an extension of judgment. My questions are simply questions because I was curious. I don't appreciate my question asking to be interpreted as snooping, interviewing or being put on a witness stand. If one feels that way then it is easy to say you ask too many questions about me and I don't know much about you. If you don't want questions asked at all, then please ghost me or whatever because you've shown yourself to be not worth talking to. Excessive fishing for attention is toxic. If you don't know how to break away, then learn the concept of breaking away.
Yes, I wrote a really bad letter to Mrina that contained things she revealed to me. In it, I primarily claimed she was still making bad decisions given her past life lemons. I am sorry for showing my inner thoughts to her as she did to me. Let's be clear, I do not judge for her for her past, but question her judgment when a situation is handled in a hard to understand manner. Who does not question hard to understand decisions anyway? Somehow I'm the crazy therapist, in her mind, for asking questions. This is toxic.
Let's talk about one situation. I spent my last night in Vegas and week after that, in November, worried about Mrina after she acted erratically over text. I was asking Mrina if she wanted to go to a comedy club and she directs the conversation to being deeply hurt by something that recently occurred. Few days later, she claims her friend, who was getting married the next month, almost sexually "molested" (assaulted) her. Hands up, WTF am I supposed to feel at that moment? How would any other person feel hearing that? Especially in the middle of the #metoo movement!!!! Surprisingly, after claiming that she was thinking of not going, she goes to that same friend's marriage. No sensible explanation given to me as to what lead to that decision. Clearly, no woman would do that, so I confronted her about that decision, which eventually resulted in a feisty bout of "just not wanting to talk about it" and she claims she will forget it. Why make a big deal of it then? Massive red flag right? I should have broke all contact right there because clearly I think the judgment of Mrina is impaired right? I decide to ignore it instead. I guess my judgment is impaired in continuing to talk to this person because clearly she must be lying then? It is crazy to me that one would claim their friend was "about" to do something horrible, but then she forgets it magically.
What might be a small thing to her is not a small thing to me. This is insensitive and toxic. Attempted rape is a criminal offense. False claims of it is a criminal offense. This is while I was still her co-worker. This definitely screwed with my mental state while being her coworker... How can I just shut off my mind from a coworker who just claimed attempted rape! That would be irresponsible no? I regret not pushing it to HR instead and leaving my mind to be free of this person, but there was no way I knew it would devolve this way.
I am tempted to name the name so people can avoid the toxicity of this person... (Mrina Natarajan, San Mateo, currently TPM at Uber). It is my blog and the behavior is true, so it would not be defaming the person. Yes, Mrina Natarajan, I got tired of your inherent negativity. It appears you want to continue with your negativity by more false claims. I will not let you hold this black cloud over me. I've tried to resolve this situation privately already, so I must be pre-emptive in outing this person and behavior.
She's accusing me of spamming her. Fuck that attention grabbing crap. Stop screwing around with people's (guys?) heads and karma would not bite back.
What a way to spoil things! Yes, I outed your name, Mrina. Evidence is in the text messages and oh boy, there are more damning things that lead to why anyone would question her judgement and mental state.